My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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