I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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