it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
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