I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
