so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
