What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
