Having a random hookup so left but love u
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
