Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
