Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
