Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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