I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
