At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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