..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
