Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
