so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
