Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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