He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
