Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
