She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
