I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
