We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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