u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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