So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
