you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
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