Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
