my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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