North Korea, Best Korea!
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
