Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
You can't special order awesome
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
