Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
my sisters under your porch take her home
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize