Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
so let's talk penis.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
