I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
