your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
