So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
