thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
