I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
no, he came in my armpit
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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