Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
farters have to be the big spoon...
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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