If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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