Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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