what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
