Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
