So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
