But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
