'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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