Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I need a beard to bite.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
