she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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