if you like me you must not know who I am
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
