So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
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To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
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Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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