can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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