there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
