This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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