yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
