can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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