Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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