So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
