I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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