CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
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