So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
