No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Randomize
