My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
The uberlube is also flammable
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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