I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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