so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
