Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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