my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you traded sex for a burrito?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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