Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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