I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
