I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
This is the high leading the old right now
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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