Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
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He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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