the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
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I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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