I'm lost and stupid without you.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
