this just has baby written all over it
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
