after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
