I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
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They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
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Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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