I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
