we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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