i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
We were destined to go to rehab together
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
