So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
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What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
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