what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
