just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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