Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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