I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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