Ambien. No doubt about it.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
