i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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