idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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